Hi everyone,

It's Thanksgiving. My second Thanksgiving in America. I'm getting ready to go fishing with my dad, kid, kid's best friend. And my dad's best friend! A lawyer with whom he has worked for decades. A great guy and something of a "bad influence" - though I have found that as you get older, "bad influences" are actually good in that they keep you young and alive. At least the "bad influences" are good influences when they're actually good, and not just bad. Viva for the tautology.

We're going on a boat. I think my dad got jealous when he saw the Mahi-Mahi catch & cook video. 😂

I never appreciated how big Thanksgiving is in America. It's more celebrated than Christmas in Canada, thought that doesn't say much given Canada descent into Communism (not literally, but pretty darn close).

I like to think that I am permanently grateful for what I have - good health (touch wood), a loving family (touch wood), and having found my ikagai. I am thankful every day, but the collective celebration of Thanksgiving enhances my psychological "conflict" (for lack of a better word).

The words of "Desiderata" have always been particularly powerful to me. At least these in particular: "If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter. For always there will be greater and lesser persons that yourself".

When it comes to gratitude, I have trouble peacefully appreciating my good fortune because I do compare myself to others. But not in the vanity sense - in the sense of what right do I have to be grateful for my good fortune when, but for the grace of G-d, everything could be different.

When I was a kid, I rolled a Suburban in a car accident. Car was totalled. My best friend and I walked away with a minor bruise on our hips from the seat belt.

When I was a kid, I knew someone who also rolled a car (actually a friend of a friend). They weren't wearing their seatbelts. They slid through the sunroof and the car landed on their head. But for the grace of G-d. One decision can alter the course of one's existence. Or end it entirety.

I have difficulty feeling gratitude without also feeling guilt. Why me? Others have worked just as hard, tried to be just as good people, and but for a butterfly flapping its wings, their lives are wildly different.

And this is not what the kids call a "humble flex". The guilt of gratitude is also coupled with a certain degree of selfishness. I am not greedy, but the gratitude for good fortune is also juxtaposed to the fear of losing what you have. I know I would be just as good with less. I would be grateful for whatever I have. But there is that underlying fear that comes along with having things that can be lost or taken away. So I try to be thankful with that internal turmoil simultensouly churning like a tornado.

All that to say, I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving. Health and happiness to you all! Strength for whatever we all are going through. And hope for the future. This too shall pass, and to quote another another line from Lazyboy (which is from Desiderata):

"But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle to yourself. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world".

Happy Thanksgiving!
-Viva

(nor proofreading cuz the fish are calling!!!)