Ethan had a nightmare last night. I wake up in the middle of the night to someone creeping in the room and standing at the foot of the bed. I asked “what’s wrong?”. He says “I had a nightmare” I say “get in” and he snuggles up between me and Marion and the dog and goes back to bed.

I immediately had the most vivid flashback of my own childhood.

I didn’t get nightmares very often, but I have had some that I still remembered to this day. And the feeling when you wake up… The nightmare doesn’t go away the second you wake up. It still feels as though it’s real. And I remember a distinct feeling of suffocation upon waking up that would last for a little while and make it difficult to fall back asleep. a feeling that would make me almost fearful to fall back asleep and have the nightmare again.

And then my mind starts spinning its wheels again with thoughts. as a kid, there is no greater feeling of security than your parents. Being in their bed, under their sheets, is like a magic cloak of protection. And then I started thinking of kids who, for whatever the reason, don’t have that good fortunate to even have a parent bed to crawl into.

Whether because of abuse. Having lost parents. Having parents who didn’t offer or provide that type of comfort. Which made me instantly depressed, at 3 o’clock in the morning.

And then I had the revelation that the cycle of life - whether it’s depressing or uplifting - is that as a child you have that source of comfort. Then, as an adolescent to adult you lose that comfort and learn to fend for yourself in the world.

Then you become that source of comfort to your children.

And then at some point in your life, if life progresses the way it should, you lose that source of comfort when your parents pass. and no matter how old you are, you are still a child to your parent, and they are still your mom and your dad, even if you are yourself a mom or dad. And then at some point, in the cycle of life is it progresses as it should, you pass and your children are where you were when you had that revelation.

And then I began getting nervous that I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. But after 15 or 20 minutes, I fell back asleep. Until my next cycle on being awakened to go to the bathroom! Lol.

Deep thoughts.