THIS is utterly bizarre. Childers constantly slams the New York Times, because they deserve it. They are nothing more than an arm of the CIA.
🔥🔥🔥
"I promise I am not making this next story up. Yesterday, the New York Times ran a Bablyon Bee-style headline: “F.B.I. Arrests C.I.A. Official With $40 Million in Gold Bars in His Home.”
Actually, I wish I were making this up, because if I had the kind of imagination required to invent this story, I would not be lawyering for a living. I would be a Senior Executive Service-level official at the Central Intelligence Agency, which is apparently a job where you can walk up to the supply room and ask for forty million dollars in solid gold bars for “work-related expenses,” and the supply clerk will just hand them to you, possibly along with a complimentary box of diamond-crusted paperclips from Saddam Hussein’s palace.
But let me explain this heartwarming tale of American initiative, bureaucratic competence, and extremely heavy luggage.
According to federal court filings, a 20-year CIA veteran named David J. Rush was recently arrested in Virginia. The FBI raided his home and, after some light digging, uncovered:
1. 303 gold bars, each weighing about a kilogram (2.2 lbs), with a total value of over $40 million.
2. Roughly $2 million in cash (the kind of walking-around money you need for Nigerian toll booths).
3. Thirty-five luxury watches, mostly Rolexes, because when you have $40 million in gold bars stashed next to the hot water heater, you really need to know what time it is in thirty-five different time zones simultaneously, and it needs to be accurate.
Now, you’re probably wondering: How, exactly, did Mr. Rush acquire this modest off-book retirement nest egg?
According to the FBI’s indictment, Dave simply asked for the gold.
Between November and March, Rush —who held a Top Secret/SCI clearance— asked the CIA for tens of millions of dollars in gold bars and foreign currency for “work-related expenses.” That is a direct quote. And the CIA, being a highly efficient, laser-focused national security apparatus funded by your tax dollars, said, “Sure, Dave! Do you need a receipt, or should we just write ‘Gold and stuff’ on the ledger?”
The mind boggles at what these “work-related expenses” could possibly be. What kind of espionage operation requires physical gold bars? Are we bribing medieval warlords? Are we playing a very high-stakes game of geopolitical Tetris where the blocks are made of precious metals? Did Dave tell them he needed to gold-plate his home-office microwave because the hot pockets weren’t heating evenly?
We don’t know. Officially, the CIA says it is “unable to locate” the gold. (Spoiler alert: It was at Dave’s house). So much for the ledger.
But the story gets better. It turns out that Dave Rush’s entire career was built on a foundation of lies so magnificent, so breathtakingly bold, that they deserve their own exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution of Audacity.
When Dave applied to the CIA over twenty years ago, he claimed he had a bachelor’s degree from Clemson University and a master’s degree from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute. To top that off, he also claimed he was a decorated Navy Reserve captain, a graduate of the U.S. Air Force Test Pilot School, and the director of a top-secret joint weapons test organization commanding 18 aircraft.
In reality, Dave never attended Clemson. He never attended RPI. He never flew a plane. He did not hold an FAA pilot’s license. His actual Navy career consisted of working as an I.T. tech, and he had been discharged a decade earlier as a lieutenant, not a captain.
Yet, the CIA —the premier intelligence-gathering organization on the planet, whose literal job is finding out secrets— hired him anyway. Not only did they hire him, but they also promoted him to the Senior Executive Service. For nearly twenty years, Dave strolled around Langley’s campus with Top Secret clearance, pretending to be Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, while the CIA’s highly touted “continuous vetting” system apparently consisted of a supervisor occasionally asking, “Hey Dave, nice flight suit. Did you leave your F-14 in the double-parked lane again?”
Even more impressive was Dave’s side hustle. A full ten years after being discharged from the Navy, Dave was still claiming paid military leave from the CIA, pocketing $77,000 for 744 hours of “service” as a Navy Reserve captain. You have to admire his work ethic. Most people are content to fake a sick day to go to the dentist; Dave faked being a naval commander commanding a fleet of imaginary battleships.
But, as unbelievable as Dave’s golden adventure is, it is matched only by the sheer, majestic, face-palming solemnity with which The New York Times reported it. 🤦
🔥 If you read the Times account, you will find yourself entering the interdimensional Twilight Zone realm of utter journalistic incuriosity, which is usually reserved for burying high-profile cancer-cluster stories. The Times reported this alarming story with a completely straight face, like they were covering a routine subcommittee meeting on soybean subsidies or Pacific Island harbor rights.
My favorite part of the Times’ ridiculously credulous coverage was when it solemnly quoted the FBI affidavit explaining why Dave’s fake degrees were bad: “Based on my training and experience, I know that federal employee salaries are determined by a number of factors, including the employee’s education level. An employee with higher education levels, such as a Master’s degree, would generally be expected to receive a higher pay scale.”
Thank goodness we have highly trained FBI agents to crack these kinds of cases. Obviously, the real tragedy here isn’t that a guy with a fake resume walked out of Langley with forty million dollars in bullion stashed in his Honda Odyssey. No! The real issue is that he fraudulently inflated his pay grade from GS-13 to GS-15.
If only he had actually finished his master’s degree, those gold bars in his basement would have been perfectly ethical!
The Times also devoted considerable ink to discussing the “Defense Counterintelligence and Security Agency’s continuous vetting program” and how this incident “exposes a troubling gap in how the U.S. government screens employees.”
A “troubling gap?” Really, Times? That’s it?
🔥 That is just like saying the iceberg exposed a “troubling gap” in the hull of the Titanic. A guy faked being a military pilot and two college degrees for twenty years, stole enough gold to buy a small Caribbean island, and the country’s paper of record treats it like a minor administrative oversight in the CIA’s employee handbook.
The Times didn’t ask any of the painfully obvious questions:
Where does the CIA keep $40 million in physical gold bars? Is there a giant, Scrooge McDuck-style vault at Langley where officers can go swimming in currency during lunch?
Does the Agency routinely hand valuable specie over to employees upon request and then report it as “lost?”
Why is the CIA hoarding gold??
How does one physically transport 300 kilograms (about 700 pounds) of gold out of a secure federal facility? Did Dave use a mobility scooter with a trailer attachment? Did they carry it to his car for him? Did he tell security he was just taking some very heavy paperweights home to work over the weekend?
Why did the CIA’s internal vetting fail to verify a Clemson degree? Did they even try? Did they call the registrar, get a busy signal, and decide, “Well, Dave seems like a nice guy, and he wears a lot of Rolexes, so he must be legit?”
Given the agency’s supremely secretive nature, we normal humans may never get any answers. But we do know one thing: the next time you are filling out a job application for a well-paid federal position at one of our top intelligence agencies, do not be modest. YOLO it. Go ahead and list your degree from Harvard, your PhD from Oxford, and your experience as an astronaut who personally landed on Planet Krypton.
If anyone asks questions, just tell them you need a few pallets of gold bars to cover your “work-related expenses.”
If they hesitate, just tell them Dave sent you. He’s currently residing in a federal holding facility in Virginia, but I’m sure his watch is still keeping perfect time."
https://substack.com/home/post/p-199603003
